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The reason it would've killed her was because she's human and her mind just can't handle the power and magnitude of the Time Vortex. The same way Donna would've died from having a Time Lord's mind.
Granted they both lasted longer in their "conditions" than what should be possible... Perhaps, the same way some people are born psychic and their bodies are built slightly different to be so, Donna and Rose could've been born to be the Bad Wolf and DoctorDonna so their bodies and minds were built to be able to handle it for an extended amount of time.
As to why the Doctor couldn't handle it, it might be because he simply wasn't meant to hold onto the Vortex and the Heart of the TARDIS for any amount of time...like everyone else in the universe! Or...
A) He's already looked into the Vortex before when he was a kid, it could've been too much to see it twice.
B) There are a lot of energies and particles within the Heart of the TARDIS that aren't compatible with his body (like Huon, though we've seen with Donna that humans can survive for a time with Huon in them) or that he already has in his body as well and the added amounts he absorbed were too much for his system.